I have a wonderful family. And although, my parents drive me crazy a lot of the time, they are wonderful people and have taught me so much. It's kind of overwhelming when I think about each of my siblings. They are amazing, accomplished people, and have given me perfect examples of who I want to be and follow in my life.
There's a big age difference between Carter and I and we haven't always talked a ton. Everybody knows what a great person he is. And I love Brooke. It's sad I don't get to see them frequently. I'm coming in the fall, I think!
August in St. Paul with Carter, Brooke, Davis, Mason, Sadie, Harrison, Mom, and Hunter
Stephanie and Aaron and family are moving back to the states. I'm really excited for them to be back. London is just too far. They'll be moving to McLean. Aaron has accepted a job with a new company and will be working at Tyson's. My parents have been looking for homes for them in McLean. It's funny to talk to the girls on the phone. They've definitely acquired little British accents.
At Anna's baptism in London -- with Mom and Dad, Steph, Aaron, Paige, Juliette, Sam, and Russ and Lolly
Hunter and I were talking recently about something interesting (or depressing) and this relates to maybe why I had a little break-down when I came home for Christmas and saw that furniture had been rearranged in our house because my parents had gotten rid of a couch. When I demanded the reasons for this rearranging, my mom starts talking about "Well, when we go on a mission..." and "We'll need to really start sorting through things and getting rid of stuff." And, yes, the idea had been thrown out there, but I just didn't know it was actually being discussed for the very near future. And at that, I cried. Maybe it won't be that big of a deal, if they're gone, but I'm just scared to not have anybody around who cares. I really just need to be fine with this, but I don't know if I am. So, I don't think I realized at the time how big a deal it was that the Lawrences were gone for 3 years. When Kenzie got back from her mission she was completely alone and MacLane too. I guess they had each other. They were still young. Kenz was 21 when she got back from her mission. Those are definitely still "growing up" years. Of course, how isolated I would feel would probably depend a lot on where my parents went.
Now my point is that my older siblings are great people, but they aren't involved in my life. I know they have incredibly busy lives of their own, but they don't have any idea what it is like for us. When they were in college and coming home for Christmas we were all still there. We were still a family at that point. They had the secure family back at home. All my older siblings also got married a lot younger than I, I realize. It's just sad to think about the fact that they probably don't even see the difference. My siblings have moved on and are compltely engulfed in their own families. Honestly, I feel that I am a burden sometimes. Sorry, to make this blog turn depressing. I wasn't really even meaning for it to go in this direction.
Happy Easter! It's amazing to me that I have the knowledge I do of the gospel. I don't think I ever feel really worthy to have it. Life is so incredibly hard, and it is so hard to keep a perspective on the reasons for us being here.
4 comments:
Interesting. There is such a difference between being at the beginning of a large family and being at the end. As far as I have analyzed it so far, being at the end is a lot harder. Be so glad that you have Hunter. Clane and I have always been so close because we both understood how being the youngest usually meant getting the shaft. I was only 8 when Case, my oldest brother, left home. I love him and Kerri a lot, but we didn't really grow up as siblings in a normal kind of way. Makes for interesting dynamics now. And then there's the parents going on a mission aspect. Definitely harder for the younger kids. But, think about it this way, if they go somewhere cool, it will be a whole lot easier for you to visit them than for Carter.
Wow, Meredith. I had never really thought about that aspect of family dynamics, but it really is true. Your family was still the same family for Carter and Steph, and even Spencer up to and beyond their marriages. That would be really hard to feel that the family unit had changed so dramatically--to the point where it almost didn't exist in the same way anymore. I am adding to your depression, aren't it?
I love your family. I love Carter so much. He was so nice to me when I was a really shy and lonely freshman who felt a sense of nervousness at all waking hours. He would talk to me and impressed all of my fellow freshman that he was actually my friend. When he left on his mission, he hugged me even though I left a giant flour/makeup stain on his suit (probably at about his waist). When I graduated from high school and was so worried about the applause-o-meter as each person walked across the stage, I actually heard Carter cheering for me. I will love him forever.
Spencer probably doesn't remember me anymore, or only vaguely, but I will always love him and all the times we laughed so hard together. I miss that guy.
Even though life does get busy when you have kids, I know that if Carter was caring enough to pay attention to me and be thoughtful of my situation, you are also in his heart. (I was in his heart, that is what I am saying here).
And you are every bit as fun (ok, maybe more fun) as your siblings. Cheer up; soon it will be your turn to turn your back on them!
Meredith - I love seeing the pictures of your family! You have a great family - family dynamics are always changing. If you parents go on a mission it will be great to have family in McLean. I have really missed going back home this year - but I am glad to have family in the area.
I love you Meredith! I promise to always be here for you even though we don't live close to each other. I agree that we have an independent family in that all of us siblings don't rely on each other as much as we could but when we all get together it seems we're all connected again - to me at least. I'm so proud to call you my sister and proud of all the things you're doing with your life. Thanks for being my sister!
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