I'm realizing I've produced a LONG post. Oh, well.
This might be one of the greatest article I've ever read. It details the difficulties in aging in the LDS church and coming to a ripe old age and being still (heaven forbid!) single.
It was published a couple years ago in the Washington City Paper.
It produced quite the buzz around the single's wards.
Perhaps the greatest result of the article's publication is the slew of outrageous reactions from Colonial listserve subscribers. And I'll insert some of these below.
"And to think she has so much going for her, I mean she bakes bread, she's hot, she has an excellent mastery of the english language, she pushes the limits of the Word of Wisdom (I'm not drinking coffee, I'm eating it and instead of eating it in ice cream I now just chew on the coffee beans straight, but as long as I'm not drinking it, I'm okay), and did I mention that she's hot. I guess she's proof that guys are interested in more than just looks (that is as long as she's as good looking as she says she is). I myself am looking for someone who shares a similar worldview as I do. I'm not just looking for a hot girl who goes to church. Let's just say that based on the article, I'm not surprised at her current marital status, not that there is anything wrong with it. *I would have commented earlier, but it just seemed too easy. I didn't want to be insensitive, but after thinking about it I have decided to comment. I'll try to keep it short.*"
"To all who read the article -i thought this article TOTALLY SUCKED, and futhermore, it just instills the ideas that may or may nor pre-exist in people's minds in the lds and non-lds culture. it's messed up and stupid, get over the stereotypes and move ON already! if you're not freakin married by 33 then IT'S YOUR FAULT, PERIOD. if you didn't make eternal marriage your focus -oh well, you suffer, too bad.. blah blah... don't go swearing and winning that you are not married because nearly EVERY ONE ON EARTH COULD BE MARRIED IF THEY REALLY REALLY PURSUED IT AND CARED AND PUT FORTH A STRONG EFFORT! too many people in the NOVA and DC area focus too much on their stupid careers and collegiate accomplishments....what did Richard G. Scott come to talk about about a year or so ago (SPECIFICALLY TARGETTED TO THE DC SINGLES)?.. Eternal Marriage needs to be your #1 focus after your mission (for the fella's) and your #1 focus alongside college (for the ladies).. ---if you heed that counsel there is no way you'll be 30 and over and not married (except for a rare few people who had huge remarkable things that excuse them from that -such as serving your country)! most ladies who are 33 and not married are doing 2 things wrong.. 1) they are completely focusing on everything BUT finding a guy, asking guys out, flirting, looking good for the fellas, whatever it takes to get a chicken boy to notice them and ask 'em out AND/OR 2) they are fat or overweight because they don't make an effort to exercise. shoot i could be 33, not married and fat VERY EASILY, but i KNOW i have to get off my butt, and when i'm not in the office or in a class, or at church activities, go running, be active, do some freakinsit-ups, keep myself healthy, NOT GIVE INTO the "cookies, cookies, brownies, browines, and oreo's oreo's, oh and ice cream ice cream" at EVERY SINGLE FLIPPLIN LDS EVENT! just say no. it'll become a habit and as you eat more healthy, cookies won't be appealing anymore... get over your bad habits, control them, MAKE yourself pretty for men ... heck, i would rather have a guy who's fit and takes care of himself and has a testimony, then some guy who is supposedly keeping 'all' the commandments, but some how forgets the word of wisdom and is weighing in at 335. C'MON FOLKS... get real! nobody wants to marry someone who they are not physcially attracted to... (perhaps some will, but not many) .. - if you are not attractive, old, and not married CHANGE YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE to become as beautiful as your INSIDE APPEARANCE... PERIOD! If my bishop of my single's ward can run in his first marathon in his 40's then there is NO EXCUSE for anyone else to not be physically active.THERE YA GO! i'm done. that article sucked, just like the movie "single's ward" which portrays things that needa be fixed as being "cool, normal, and okay" being 33 and not married isn't even normal as a non-LDS person... i am a recruiter for my job and make calls ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY all the time and TONS of men and women around 21-26 are married (some even have kids) -and, yeah, THEY ARE NOT LDS. it is NOT so abnormal to be 22 and happily married w/ kids as mormon culture potrays it to be -in the world outside of mormon culture. -and, mormons out of ALL PEOPLE have AMPLE opportunities to find equal companions on the same page w/ the same goals to be happily married too. ROCK ON TO ALL YOU YOUNG MARRIED COUPLES, AND PROPS TO EVERYONE IN THEIR MID-LATE TWENTIES WHO ARE GETTING HAPPILY HITCHED IN THEIR MATURE PRIME.anyways... i hope somebody woke up and got a clue from this.. no more wining from people over 30 -there is no excuse (no offense)."
"I personally think that the article was a VERY accurate portrayal of DC Single Wards and the attitudes of everyone involved with them. We all now know why M. H. is still single and I'd take a liberal Mormon wife any day over a Molly Mormon."
OH! How hurtful! Is there really a need to mention names?!!! I removed the full name because I decided I was not going to perpetuate the unkindness!
4 comments:
i so agree about publishing the name. that is just WRONG. xo cath
I want to hear your opinion on the article. You said it was one of the best, but do you think it has some limitations?
I read it, and was turned off by her dropping the F bomb. Twice. We're all supposed to be missionaries, and it seems like her missionary work was neatly abandoned to better encapsulate her feelings. She could have done it without the swearing.
And I don't like that she makes up her own chastity rules, abandoning the guidelines in "For the Strength of the Youth" pamphlet. It's not like you can "get away with more" just because you aren't a teenager. Come on. That's dangerous for anyone, regarldess of your age.
And I hated the response someone wrote about how everyone who isn't married by 30 is weird or fat. What a complete jerk. Every single one of us knows someone, or a lot of people, who are incredible and aren't married. And I think it's cold to attack people for being heavy. Good grief, that's merciless and smug.
And it's not like you give up on finding the best match for you just because you aren't in your young 20s. Can you IMAGINE marrying someone with that Respponder #2's mentality? Holy Cow!
There are definitely times when I think about how my life would be single, and there is so much freedom and opportunity in that. I think world travel, a PhD, more time to write, time to teach, independant discovery. We're all trying to do the right things and we don't have to judge everyone else while we're at it.
Anyway, thanks for sharing the article and the responses.
You are awesome!
My opinion...
More than anything, I just like it because I think it's hilarious in and of itself, and then additionally, the responses it generated.
I do understand where this girl is coming from. It's really difficult to be in the position she is. Being single as a member of the church or not as a member is difficult; however, as a member, our beliefs mandate that we uphold certain values, and this constant upholding becomes very grueling.
I also very much believe that another added stress of being single is the fact that you have to make a lot of life's choices completely sole. I also feel I will be most happy in being a mother, so trying to find happiness elsewhere is difficult, when I think my "career" and "life calling" should be motherhood. I may continue that thought in a later post.
I've never dated anybody who isn't a member, but I'm sure it would be very weird to have to explain some things about our beliefs. They aren't going to understand garments at all. They aren't going to understand chastity. You have to do a whole missionary discussion on the very first date, which can be some really heavy material when you are just getting to know the person.
In conclusion, what do I think? I think being happy at any state/period in life is a conscious effort, but it's even harder for single women, because they have a fear hanging over them that they might not ever get to be a mother. Maybe this fear is evident in men as well, but they aren't having the children.
Thanks, Meredith. I think you'll be the greatest mom in the world:). And I LOVE your adventurous bravery and humor. I hope you keep posting about your dating experiences, and all the other adventures in your life so I get them vicariously.
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